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Trump to Declassify Hurricane Ian, Then Nuke It Using Info from Stolen Docs
Former (“X”) President Trump announced today that he is focusing all of his considerable magical-mystical Jedi brain waves on Hurricane Ian, now barrelling up the Florida peninsula from the Caribbean Sea. The plan, he says, is to declassify, deny and destroy The Big Wind, to reduce it down to a balmy ocean breeze so that everyone can enjoy it equally.
The X-prez promises, however, that should some DemocRAT-inspired subterfuge somehow sabotage or cause his very stable genius to falter, and the storm (expected to hit 100-plus MPH by morning) manages to smash its way through or over his towering, beautiful wall of grey matter, Trump will then resort to his trusty Magic Marker, and deploy his proven super-human physical powers to force Evil Ian to retreat harmlessly out into the Atlantic.
But! Should his Magic Marker run dry, there is always the coup de grace (not to be confused with his well-known penchant for coup d’ etats): Trump will reach into his long-held, super-secret other box of magic tricks, one of which contains detailed instructions — complete with color pictures and videos— and labeled:
TIPPY-TOP SECRET!!!
This Means YOU!!!
How to Build A Hurricane-Killing Nuke.
